Seems like no matter how hard I try I’m continually having to make life adjustments. What has worked in the past seasons of life simply isn’t working in this season. I’m continually running into my present limitations. I know in my my heart that I can only handle a small portion of what I used to be able to handle. It’s still very hard to accept, but it’s clearly my new reality.
Every time I come close to falling apart I try to trace my previous steps. Usually I’m able to see that I bit off way more than I could chew. For instance, if I try to do anything major on back to back days I’m usually headed towards a danger zone. I know if I don’t get the necessary hours of sleep on back to back nights I will soon be a nervous wreck. I also know that if I try to pour into others out of an empty cup that I’m playing with fire. I have to keep seeking God, praying and reading the Bible for myself.
While we often can diagnose other people’s problems we must keep evaluating our own issues. The only way to stay in God’s will is to keep making the necessary life adjustments. If we don’t a small problem can quickly become a much bigger problem. I have to keep re-evaluating my priorities, boundaries, time management, and physical limitations. Thank God for His continual grace and guidance through these matters.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)
One Of My Favorite Past Pics
Time goes by so fast. We all have griefs and regrets. Moments in time we wish we could go have back. This imperfect life is full of broken roads and hearts. Even with many blessed moments our human minds always long for closure. We just wonder how we could have handled things differently in days gone by.
As my boys get older and taller than me I can’t help but reminisce about days gone by. We’ve had so many joyful moments and made so many lasting memories. However the past three years have been really tough for me both physically and emotionally. I’m especially sad about the moments I’ve missed with my boys. I always feel they really can’t understand how hard it’s been for me to just get around.
I’ve missed getting to enjoy many things with them that before I could easily do. There’s been no more throw and catch in the backyard. I never got to coach my boys in baseball again. I’ve never forgotten those words “daddy if you’re not coaching my team then I’m not playing. I just like to be with you.” That son never played baseball again. I missed my oldest son’s entire senior year as pain blinded my view. I’ve missed taking my present senior son out fishing. He loved it when just he and I were on that water together. I’ve missed so many moments with my kids and wife that I can’t go back and relive.
Now, I’m sure there is someone reading this that looks back and wonders how life could’ve been so different. But, there comes a point we simply must trust God with all our broken roads. What if those were designed moments meant to teach you and your loved ones? Moments meant to slow you down and draw you closer? Moments God has used in the past to help you make the most of the present? Make sure you give God your yesterdays so He can help you make the most of your todays.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I’ve been fighting what I know is a spiritual attack from the enemy all night. The intensity of the attack has been relentless. I finally got my physical pain under control three hours ago. However, I’ve had to sleep sitting up in my bed all night due to my heart feeling like it’s nonstop racing. I know this is due to the medications I had to take.
My wife bless her heart never leaves my side or let’s go of my hand during these times. It’s such a blessing to always have her by my side. Praise God she recognizes this kinda night is not typical anymore. She doesn’t try to fix me or take lightly my struggle. She just seeks to be a calming presence and helping hand. It’s amazing and inspiring to see what she has made look so easy over the past three years.
I’m still sitting up trying to sleep as it remains my calmest position. I’m just so sensitive to most medications and usually have every side effect ever mentioned. Even still I know that tonight is just one tough night. I’ve been blessed with many good nights the past few months. My head has continuously nodded in and out of sleep. I’m confident that soon I will get some quality sleep.
Praise God my ability to cope has changed so much. My peace from God remains so strong. I have learned how to find true joy no matter what the circumstance. God continues to be so good to me and so much better than I deserve.
(Psalm 143:8-12) “Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress. In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”
As I shared earlier my pain is somewhat blinding. Like it feels as if I was just recently in some terrible car wreck. As I continue to lay on my side I’m desperate for some relief. I’ve thrown all the meds I can at the pain. Now, I’m just waiting on something to knock me out.
I want to remember this day for sure. Not so I can look back and celebrate my pain. But, so I can look back later to celebrate what God has done. Look what God did when man said nothing could be done. I’m still in the fight, but I’m firmly clinging to my faith.
The reason I love journaling is it gives you something measurable. As you continually record your daily steps of faith you can see progression when you stay the course. I’m staying the course even if it’s a slow and steady grind. Today, I’m hurting really bad, but let’s see what God does in days to come. As I seek to do all that I can while trusting God to do all that I can’t.
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)
Well, I started the next phase of my recovery efforts today. I walked a good bit without my cane and did a few physical therapy exercises. It’s not been an easy day at all. In fact, now that I’ve tried laying down deep pain is flooding my body. I’m not surprised by it, but you never get used to it.
I’ve learned from the past that the only way forward is to walk through the pain. Every nerve fiber within me seems unhappy at the moment. My brain keeps telling me don’t do anymore of that again. My faith keeps telling me don’t give up. I know for certain that no pain equals no gain. Meaning things will have to feel unsettled before things will settle.
This deep throbbing pain reminds me of so many days gone by. In some ways it makes me think that nothing has changed. That I’m just fooling myself thinking things can get better. Think about it though how often do we have to go through extreme pain to experience real gain. The pain aims to frighten you, but God wants to use it to heighten you. You can’t run from it so you’ve just got to determine to walk through it.
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:2)
I’m somebody who doesn’t like to have a lot of surface conversation. I long to get down to the root of what’s really happening. You know, I share my story and you share yours. Where we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly in our lives. Not just so we can cry together, but in hopes that we come together.
Often I say you really don’t know anybody until you know their story. What’s really going behind the scenes in their life. What have they been through and what are they going through. We often ask others how are they doing. Most often we don’t take the time to discover what is really going on in someone’s heart and life.
We should always take the time to show we care. How can we pray for one another. After all, prayer is not the least we can do it’s the greatest. Don’t judge that person walking by who might have good reason for their moodiness and stress. Maybe they’ve been abandoned, abused, or just got some very bad news. Maybe they’ve never felt loved or recently lost a very dear loved one. Maybe they need someone like you to take the time to prove you genuinely love someone like them.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”