Right now I literally feel stuck. Stuck in a body that won’t quit aching. Stuck in a situation that has a strangle hold on all areas of my life. Stuck with a diagnosis that apart from divine intervention will not change for the better. Stuck in a bed of pain that I would give anything to get out.
These seasons are frightening if you ponder the “what ifs” too long. You don’t know what’s gonna happen next. You don’t want to suffer the rest of your life. You don’t want your suffering to define your life. And you certainly don’t want to lose faith that God can change things.
As a 94 year preacher old once told me, “Theses are the times you must pray, pray, pray!” Pray when you wake up and when you lie down. Pray when you breathe in and breathe out. Ask other true believers to join you in praying for God in His perfect timing to break the chains that presently have a hold on your life, mind, and future. As my dear friend further said, “After you’ve done all you can do pray, pray, and then pray some more.” But, don’t ever quit believing God can do a miracle. Pray scripture and believe God can break the chains that presently bind you.
“He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their chains.” Psalm 107:14
There always seems to be something or someone you’re just not sure how to approach. Usually when you’re just not sure it truly is best you move forward with precaution and preciseness. Obviously it’s something you feel like is fragile and possibly risky. So, the situation demands you begin by being still before God.
Here is what you usually should not do. One, don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. Two, don’t ever make a big decision while fueled only by emotion. Three, don’t try to play God in any situation. Overall, don’t ever let your gut lead you more than your God.
Bottom line, if you feel very uncertain about anything you need to let the God of all certainty guide you in everything. Do what He tells you to do and say. Bathe every move in prayer and marinate your mind in God’s word. Just keep taking the next right step and trusting God day by day. Ask God for the courage to change what you can and the faith to trust Him with all you can’t.
“Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart. And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].
I can feel it and I can see it. God is at work in so many ways despite me, through me and around me. Yet, I can also feel the winds and waves of adversity like never before. Am I comfortable with all I’m going through? Absolutely not! Am I confident that God is heavily at work even in this category five hurricane? Absolutely yes!
I believe the process never makes sense or feels good during the downpour. It’s like you can’t catch your breath before the next bomb blows up your best laid plans. You literally feel like you’re having to dodge constant flaming arrows that the enemy hopes destroys you. While you feel so close to victory, you also feel so close to collapsing.
These are the signs of getting closer to your God-sized goal. These are the signs of seeking to let God take over territory the devil has had for far too long. So, it’s not gonna be easy and it’s not supposed to be. God is growing you as God takes you where you’ve never been before. Faith is not about how you feel. Faith is believing that God has you and the future in His hands. Your role is to simply stay the course, keep believing, and don’t give up when you’re so close to your breakthrough. Keep your eyes on Jesus.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.”
“Oh Victory In Jesus, My Savior Forever. He sought me and He bought me with His redeeming blood!”
Today has been quite a day of confusion and emotion. I was literally convinced for a short while that the spinal cord stimulator lead wires buried within me were totally MRI unfriendly anywhere. Thank God the person at that MRI facility had no idea what she was talking about when today’s scheduled MRI was canceled. They just had no machines that could handle all the metal inside me.
I just got the most relieving phone call all day. A lady left me a message saying, “Mr. Crosby you have been pre-approved for an MRI at Roper St. Francis. Please call us tomorrow to schedule the MRI that has been expedited for you.” My friend you just don’t understand. Nothing dealing with workman’s compensation works this fast.
God expedited things on my behalf. Just hours after dealing with one of my greatest disappointments. God calls me with one of my quickest blessings. One hopeful door closed and God open another. God, thank you for divine favor and continuous blessings!
I’m trying my best not to lose it. Fortunately, I already had a Valium in me before I ever ran into the chaos of finding out I could not get my MRI for the second time in three months it was scheduled. There are places that can’t do my MRI, but why after 20 days of processing and 6 phone conversations I would find out on the day of my appointment (on the way to it) that this place did not have any machines compatible with my stimulator is beyond me.
I did just receive a call that I should be getting my MRI done at Roper St Francis once that is ever approved. Once again I’m having to dive through hoops the devil has created. What a journey! You make me surgically change out my battery and now you tell me the leads in my spine aren’t compatible. All this in the midst of one of my most unbearable seasons.
What a plan my God must have ahead! I literally can’t wait to see what He unveils after He parts the Red Sea. The devil is just getting me giddy with excitement and allowing God’s glory to build. So, I’ll wait again and believe God for the breakthrough!
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
UNREAL….. I get my spinal cord stimulator battery surgically replaced to one that is 4 times the size of my previous one before so I could get an MRI. And now Tri-County radiology waits until 2 hours prior to my scheduled MRI and informs me that the leads down my spine are not MRI compatible on any of their machines. Can’t take much more while dealing with discomfort of such magnitude even now. Waiting now to hopefully get my stimulator adjusted and back on track. But, Tri-County radiology will never get my business again. Fortunately for them I did have a Valium in during our conversation. And they didn’t even call me I just happened to call them!!
Well, my knockout meds allowed me to sleep nearly 7 hours. I had to take everything I could to calm down the storm within. I’m beyond grateful for any moments where I don’t have to feel the present state of my body. My nerve pain is definitely still out of whack and I feel almost certain so is my spinal cord stimulator. I did leave a request last night that someone call me to readjust my stimulator asap. Hoping that gets done before or after my MRI at noon today.
You see, these stimulators with this newest technology called burst have only been around s few years and are still very unpredictable by even the programmers. It can take up to 72 hours after a readjustment to even get things on track or know if they are even headed that direction. I’ve definitely experienced the good and very bad of this man made device. But, I would still rather have it with some hope than not have it at all.
My legs still feel raw, throbbing, and on fire within. Pain in my lower back and battery area that were being masked a lot better before just aren’t right now. So, I feel certain the stimulator is my greatest issue, but have no idea how to fix it. However, these days remind me how bad the root of my problem still is and that I must keep praying for my miracle. Thanks for all your prayers that are felt and appreciated more than you know. Hoping my morning meds buy me a couple more hours rest. May God bless you all and meet all your needs in Christ Jesus our rescuer!
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”