Not sure I can explain the long battle I’ve been in the past many months. Every step has been a struggle. Most nights have been filled with pain and often time restlessness. The battle is real, relentless, and more than disruptive to life as I once knew it. Even after making every adjustment possible, I continue to wake up to the reality of this storm.
Doctors say I have a very large annular tear that just won’t heal on its own. I’ve had numerous injections to ease the pain in my lower back. I’ve endured countless hours of physical therapy. I’ve given my body more than enough time to heal. Multiple experienced doctors have concluded surgery is my only option. Therefore, on May 4th I will undergo an (ALIF) Annular Lumbar Interbody Fusion. Hopefully this will finally relieve my discomfort, give my spine greater support, and take pressure off my nerves.
Now, I would have never signed up for this season of torment. I could write a book on all the things this experience has taught me and put me through. I seriously would not change anything. Because I know that God has grown me, used me, and opened my eyes to many things during this seasonal battle.
You know, anytime we are going through something it always feels like a total inconvenience. I admit that I felt that way for a long time. God finally changed my perspective. Instead of thinking I had an accident, I believe God has a purpose for my trial. I firmly believe that nothing happens apart from God allowing it to happen. And if God allowed it to happen then He has a purpose for the inconvenience.
Through this season I have clung to the following words of truth: “THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU. YOU ONLY NEED TO BE STILL.” (Exodus 14:14). I switched from fighting with God to allowing God to fight for me. I discovered that kicking and screaming changes nothing. Trying to figure it all out fixes nothing. But, choosing to allow God to use the most difficult season in your life changes everything. God willing, this season of my life will soon come to an end.