Recently, I was watching the video for Carrie Underwood’s hit song “Two Black Cadillacs” and it reminded of a matter that is just not discussed enough. As I write, there are countless men and women living a lie, running around behind their spouse’s back, and secretly cheating on their spouse with someone else. I’ve dealt directly with so many marital affairs that I can’t even begin to recall each of them. How does this happen and is this something I should be concerned about in my marriage? Here are some ways to cheat-proof your marriage…
#1 MARRY SOMEONE WITH CHARACTER
Many marriages start out destined for disaster. People marry someone hoping to fix them later or barely knowing them from the start. My wife and I dated for 4 ½ years before we walked the isle and said I do. Anyone can put up a front for a few dates, but you spend enough time around them and their character will be revealed. You have to marry someone with character before you can expect them to have character. Who you marry should be the pickiest decision you ever make in this life. Remember you are choosing someone who you plan to share the rest of your life with on this earth. Integrity should be at the top of your list. You can’t make someone be honest. But, you can marry an honest person who hopefully has a healthy relationship with God.
#2 PROACTIVELY PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE
There is never a time that you should quit investing in your marriage. Every marriage will go through seasons never experienced before and in order to survive those seasons you have to build a strong foundation. Communicate when things are misunderstood. Be sensitive when your spouse is struggling to move forward. Always be willing to do the little things that are key to any relationship staying healthy and growing. Be proactive in your marriage, not reactive. This means do the daily things needed to maintain a healthy marriage, don’t won’t on all Hell to break lose.
#3 DON’T EVER THINK IT CAN’T HAPPEN TO YOU
Christian or Non-Christian, character or no character, anything is possible if Satan is given an open door. Every marriage is under fire daily and you need to always be mindful of this fact. Circumstances you face with either push you apart or draw you closer than ever. You are creating an open door anytime you think you’ve arrived in your marriage and that it’s alright to put things on coast mode. Listen, many bad things happen while partners are complacent and therefore no longer pursuing one another.
#4: KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST
Marriage is much easier when it’s just the two of you. But, later when children come along and life is demanding you have to fight to keep your marriage first. I’m a dad of four boys and I could not love them anymore. However, long after they are gone I will still be living with their mother, hopefully! There is no child, no job, and no other relationship that I should put above my marriage. Too many good intending people allow their children or their careers to come before their marriage. You have to keep your marriage first and always make time for each other. If you don’t make time for them someone will. And, as you two drift apart, they may drift into someone else’s arms. Not because they don’t love you, but because they don’t feel you love them anymore. Most affairs start out emotional and then become physical.
#5 DEAL WITH THE CANCER EARLY
Any good marriage doesn’t dissolve overnight. It is a slow fade that happens one day at a time. The moment you realize your priorities are out of order, do everything you can to get them back in line. The moment you sense a wedge between the two of you deal with the issues at hand. Issues are like cancer cells they must be treated or they will prove fatal. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, forgive quickly, and deal with the cancer in your relationship early and often. The key to a great marriage is dealing with things as they come and working through those things together. It is much easier to treat a stage 3 cancer, but a stage 5 rarely gets turn around.
#6 SEEK COUNSEL SOONER NOT LATER
The moment, I repeat the moment you sense your marriage could be in jeopardy reach out for help. Don’t assume things will just work themselves out, because they rarely do. Sometimes, there is a strong need for professional intervention. Your marriage is worth every penny of investment so don’t let money be your excuse. Put aside your pride, reach out for help, and do so immediately if needed.
#7 NEVER LEAVE JESUS OUT
I don’t include this just for good gesture. I could easily put this one above all the others. You can’t be the spouse you need to be without God’s help. You can’t have the marriage you desire without doing things God’s way. Jesus Christ being the head of your household is the only secure refuge any marriage has going for it.
Jesus said in (Matthew 7:24-25) Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.